Life Secrets


You think you know men well. You think men are shallow with no discretion. You think you know it all. Well, read this and tell me if you still believe you know us:

#1 Male friendship

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You think we talk about girls and make a boast about our marriage life when we gather with friends? Well let me tell you something to always remember. We definitely talk about our sexual one night stand and brag about it (not all men do). But to hear a dude discuss his sexual life with his wife or his long time partner to a group of men… Forget it! OK, there are always exceptions, but few I’m sure.

#2 An erection can’t be planned

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It happens that sometimes I get erected out of the blue, don’t ask me why, I might not have an answer. And sometimes however you try, if the dragon don’t want to unleash, you’d better stop trying.

#3 Legs spreading

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If I spread my legs in public, why do you consider it disrespectful! I can’t sit with crossed legs, it’s not comfortable for men. Are you forgetting my family jewels? I can’t keep on feeling something sticking on my thighs just because you think I’m showing manly dominance when I spread my legs.

#4 I am really saying the truth

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When you ask me if you look beautiful in your evening gown and I tell you you look stunning, I mean it. No need to repeat the question again and again … and again. If you don’t want to believe me, then why do you ask me in the first place?

#5 Equality is not varied

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It’s OK for you to initiate sex from time to time. Your ego will suffer, I know, but I also feel good to know that you are happy to do it.

#6 Compliments

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If you like when I compliment you, I also like to get some compliments from you. So telling me I look nice or I smell good or maybe that you really like me won’t lower your standards.

#7 I don’t easily cry

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If a close one passed away or our dog got lost and I didn’t cry, that doesn’t prove that I’m insensitive. I AM sad, and I AM grieving, but it’s not my fault if I’m made with less tears streaming in my skull.

#8 Jealousy is NOT a must

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If I’m not into you anymore and you decide to get back at me by dating my best friend, I will totally understand my best friend, and believe me, you won’t be making me any jealous. I will never think that you’re getting back at me, instead I’ll say “good for her, she found someone to love.”

#9 Wrong signals

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You blame me for getting wrong signals when you show up crying at my doorstep and throwing yourself in my arms wearing a decollete top and a short skirt showing your sexy chest and thighs. Well dear, you should know that the neurons in a man’s brain always go to the extreme cliff of fantasies.

#10 Respect of the sex

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You might not believe it, but men can also be sexually and verbally raped and assaulted. We too have feelings. Not because sex interests us, you can advantage of that. There are things we too don’t like to do.

#11 Chivalry is not old fashioned

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If I want to accompany you to your building and make sure you’re safe, when I feel like opening the car door for you, when I pay the restaurant bill every once in a while, that doesn’t mean that I’m imposing myself on you or showing you dominance. These things happen without prior planning. If I do it, it’s because I feel like doing it out of courtesy or to show you that you’re special. Why can’t you enjoy the moment?

#12 Blank phone call

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Don’t ask me why I can keep silent for tens of seconds without talking when I’m on the line with a guy friend. How and why do we do it? I honestly have no clue. It just happens that we both stop talking. Consider it blacking out, thinking of the black hole theory, or maybe it’s just that we are out of words.

#13 I also care

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It’s not because I’m a man, you can say “he’s a man, he doesn’t care”. No and a big NO, I also have feelings. If I get naturally bold, it annoys me. If my muscles die, I die from the inside. If I’m shorter than my friends, I always wish I’m taller. Well let me tell you something, being a man does not mean ignoring my appearance. This is ridiculous. I agree that women have a lot more to care about when it comes to their looks (nails, waxing, hairstyles, …), but that does not mean that we don’t care! I also have feelings even though I’m a man!

#14 A toy in your hand

You don’t know how much you affect me if you’re an important person in my life. When you run your fingers in my hair, or when you put your hand on my thigh, when your voice turns soft and quiet all of a sudden, it might be a normal behavior for you, but for me, I loose control at that moment. But truth be told, when you do this, my chateau-fort falls into pieces and I become a vulnerable baby in your hands.

#15 Emotion-full

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We, men, hide our emotions most of the times, not because we want to, but because we don’t know how to show it. Sometimes we forget about special occasions, it’s not because we don’t care, but sometimes our brains don’t focus on such issues. We might hurt you by not remembering, we don’t do this on purpose, but you emphasize on minor details which we can’t notice. Don’t ask me why, ask the almighty.

#16 Gas leak

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We break wind more than you women. Is it our fault? No, our body mechanism is created this way. Are we shy about it? Also No. We think it’s something natural, and if we hide it, I want you to know that we will be doing a great effort. So be grateful if you have a guy who doesn’t break wind in front of you.

#17 Some alone time

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Sometimes when I tell you I need some time alone, it’s not because I don’t love you anymore. It’s because I need to be away from the whole world for a while in stressful times (mostly work issues). So if you keep on pressing me to tell you the reason of my anger, don’t expect me to be domestic, the signs of irritation will show either on my face or in my unfriendly words.

#18 Peeing while standing

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You always ask me to sit and pee just to keep the toilet seat clean. Well let me clear things out. I can’t guarantee leaving the toilet clean even if I’m sitting, so it’s not a matter of standing up or sitting down. It’s a matter of me being careful or not. I don’t feel comfortable peeing while sitting. So next time you find the toilet seat up, don’t get mad, nothing’s going to change.

#19 Sex Bulls

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As much as I’m interested in women, as much as I sometimes don’t talk about them. I don’t deny that some men make me laugh when they start talking about their heroic acts with girls, proving their “egotestical” side in bed, in other terms, their manhood. But to be honest, we talk about cars and politics more than we mention you, unless we are single freaks who have no worries in life except our muscles, cars and sex drives.

#20 Too lazy for laundry

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Throwing my clothes on the floor the moment I arrive home from a long day at work is a routine for me. Do you really expect me to put them in the laundry basket behind the toilet door? Don’t get your hopes up dear.

#21 I know my way

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Yesss, asking for directions hurts my pride. I can always find my way without anyone’s help. Why do you keep insisting on asking for directions before counting to ten. Do you see a dog on the wheel? Take a deep breath, I am driving, so I’m the one in control. You drive next time. You take the lead and ask whoever you want for directions.

#22 My abs and muscles are my buddies

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You find me silly when I give time to my abs and muscles workout. Well let me tell you honey, and keep it in mind, without those abs and muscles, your eyes wouldn’t have spun around the moment you noticed me. I saw you glancing at my muscular shape, don’t worry I’m gonna skip the dirty thoughts which circulated your mind.

#23 We don’t operate like women

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When I hang out with a friend, don’t expect me to know how are his kids doing at school, or if his wife is happy in her job, or where did they go for their vacation and if they enjoyed it. I mean we talk a little about women, but the topic doesn’t last long. Don’t ask me what do we talk about when we meet for an hour or for a whole day. I wish I knew.

#24 I think ‘blank’, my brain doesn’t function 24/7

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Sometimes if I’m staring at the wall, why do you always assume that I’m taken by the thought of some girl? When I stare at the air around me, I’m really staring at literally nothing. I might be thinking of that one time when I was twelve, when this green mustang parked in my school lot and I wanted to drive it. Or maybe I’ll be wondering why the moon has two eyes and keeps smiling at me. No, I’m not dumb, it just normally happens. I’m not weird, it’s just that my eyes need to relax, and no, I don’t have anyone occupying my mind other than you. So. Stop. Trying. To. Brainstorm. Me. When you ask me “what are you thinking of” and I say “Nothing”, I legit mean nothing. So please, don’t interpret it as “bad”.

#25 No memory

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When you talk about something and ask me about it later, you accuse me of not listening to you. I DO listen to you when you talk, and I DO understand what you say, but don’t expect me to remember everything after a short time. You’re gonna say my brains are small? Maybe. But why don’t you consider talking less.

#26 I don’t do hints

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I’m not a mind reader. You think you can throw hints to tell me you’re mad or that you wanna have sex, and expect me to get it? Well let me elaborate, 70% of the times when you do it, I won’t notice, 25% I will overthink it, and 5% I will get it wrong. So why turn around the subject? Just come to me and bluntly say: “I’m mad at you for this and that.” “Follow me to the bedroom, I want to have sex.” No hints, no games, no clues. Make it easier for you and for me.

So next time you want me to shovel the snow, don’t tell me “I almost broke my neck when I stepped out of the door” cause I will interpret this as “be careful, the floor is slippery” and I’m gonna be like “wow she really cares about my health.”

#27 I’m not aiming at only your body

Just because I like you and like to be around you, it doesn’t mean that I’m aiming for ONLY your body!

#28 Divorce is a thing for me

I’m not afraid of marriage, I’m afraid of what’s after marriage… Divorce.

#29 Stuffed feelings

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We, men, usually stuff our feelings inside and don’t reveal much. Why? We don’t even want to know why. If we don’t frequently discuss our feelings with you, we don’t let it out among friends. Women are inspired by each other, they talk about their feelings and emotions, men wish they do. I sometimes wish that.

I want you to know that we DO have feelings, and that we DO care about some issues . So a hug from you would be nice if you sense some tension around us.

#30 I’m no creepy guy

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You believe we check women all day. I don’t deny that I check out women, but I’m not that creepy guy who follows them at the gym, at work, or at the bar. But I do notice when a girl is giving me “the look”, and in that case, don’t expect me to ignore it. I wouldn’t be a man after all.

#31 “Meh” state of emotion

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When you ask me for my opinion about something related to you or something you bought, there’s a possibility that I might be between liking it and not liking it, and we call this the emotional state of “Meh”. And there goes the argument: “Why are you nervous? Why don’t you tell me the truth? I sense negativity from you. Are you seeing someone else?” And boom… the final and dooming sentence hits: “You don’t love me anymore.” How can I explain that I might have an opinion of “meh” when I think you’re not great, but you’re not terrible.

#32 A little gratitude

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During the year, it won’t hurt you to tell me, orally or in writing, “thank you for the life you’re giving me, thank you for cleaning the cars, for mowing the lawn, for helping with the housework, for taking the garbage out, for cleaning the dishes, for helping out with the kids”. I know it’s my obligation (and I do it with pleasure), but a word of appreciation won’t hurt neither you nor me. As much as you like to hear it, I’d like that too.

#33 Innocent compliments

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Not all men are horny zombies. If I give you a compliment, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m sexually seeking your body. I sometimes see something beautiful in you so the compliment comes out innocently. Don’t accuse me of trying to hit on you if I tell you my humble opinion. But anyway, this reminds me to keep it to myself next time.

#34 Too lazy to multitask

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You always tell me “how many seconds does it take from your precious time to put the toilet seat down,” or ” why don’t you put the towel before stepping out of the shower.” I want you to know that I don’t do this on purpose. It’s just that I don’t multitask in the bathroom, so don’t put your hopes up.

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