I Have a Partner but I Like Someone Else. What Should I Do?
“Lead us not into temptation” is what we all wish for when we get into a serious relationship.
Are you in a significant relationship and having a crush on someone other than your partner? Well this can happen if you’re in a long relation, and can sometimes lead to a dilemma. That does not mean you’re a bad partner or an unfaithful wife, as long as you draw a line to your desires. It can be someone passing next to you on the street, sitting next to you in the train, or someone you study/work with. It is much easier to have a crush on someone you don’t know than to have feelings for someone you see everyday.
We all have a story. Mine was an attraction towards my friend from college. I had a BF, but the chemistry between me and my friend was strong. I’ve known him since high school, and we both went to the same college. We always had this strong bond. He also had a GF. I used to have the urge of being with him and imagine myself kissing him sometimes. But guess what, it never happened. We both stopped ourselves. Do I wonder sometimes if we ever kissed, what would have happened? Yes I do. But I’m glad nothing happened, because I would have ruined a long lasting relationship with my everlasting BF who is now my husband. Oh, and I told my partner about it after we got married. So basically, I never cheated on him!
Crushes make us feel alive and attractive. It all depends on how deep you are into your partner. If your relationship with your mate is still new and you fantasized about someone else, well… why stay with him! We all go through temptation, and we all experience weird feelings for people whom we sometimes don’t imagine ourselves with. We call this a “fling“. It will eventually pass, unless you’re not convinced about your partner or you don’t see yourself living the dream with him.
The question is: Why does it happen?
1- You’re mad at your partner for some reason
2- He flirts with other women
3- You are being neglected, unloved, you’re seeking these elsewhere.
4- You and your partner are not on the same page, your relationship is going through a rough patch.
5- You don’t love him enough to devote your life for him.
6- Something is missing in your relationship.
7- He is not spending much time with you
8- He doesn’t listen to your problems and needs. The communication is weak. You are being misunderstood. You are fighting constantly.
9- You’re not finding time to have fun with him or relax together.
10- You’re in a monogamous relationship.
Whatever it is, you should spot the red flag. If you think of someone else, then you’re not much into your partner. He’s definitely not the one.
There are several ways to deal with the situation:
If you’re reading this article, I believe the feelings you’re experiencing are a bit more than just a fling.
1- Be honest to your partner. You can joke about it with him if you have that kind of a relationship. As long as you are talking about it, it will never be serious.
2- Don’t panic! Give yourself some time to evaluate your relationship.
3- Keep it to yourself. You don’t want others to interfere with your love life and affect you negatively.
4- Ask yourself these questions: Is it purely a sexual attraction? Are you having deep feelings for this crush? Are you imagining your life with him?
5- Visualize your life without your partner. If you feel it’s feasible, then he’s not the one. End it right away before you hurt him deeply.
6- If you feel your life is worthless without him, then it’s a fling; it’s normal to like other people roughly. You can turn it into a fantasy which will fade away in few months as long as you focus on your feelings with your partner. Just don’t initiate it and don’t let it escalade with small cheeky messages which you think are harmless; don’t act on it.
7- If your crush is a coworker or a colleague, and your attraction is more than just a spree , then you have a serious problem. Confront your partner with the truth. Work it out together.
9- Recognize your boundaries. As long as it is a passing fling, it will fade away in time if you ignore it, so be patient.
10- Work on your relationship. Approach your partner, tell him what’s bothering you.
11- Restrain yourself from seeing that person again if possible. Don’t stalk him hoping to bump into him all the time.
12- Recognize your crush’s flaws, we all have some. This will push you away.
13- If it’s not the first time you find yourself attracted to someone else, it might be time to recognize your true feelings towards your partner.
Only YOU can choose your path, so follow your heart, but don’t forget to listen to your brain. Love is amazing and rare, so hold on to it if you have the real thing. Don’t let yourself drift away with the pleasures of desire, DON’T CHEAT! Keep your mind at ease. You are your own master.
Think deep! Don’t be afraid to take a leap.