Signs You’re Living a Toxic Friendship

We all Crave Social Interaction

From the day we open our eyes to life, we all look for a close friend to hang out and share our secrets with.  In early age, we have this special companion who shares our toys, split our meals, and nap with us.  Throughout life, we make new friends.  But people change every day, for the better or for the worse… and so do friendships, burning you before you realize it’s become toxic. 

My Life Experience

I’ve had a friend for a few years in high school.  We shared our deepest secrets in a private place in the woods near school.  We also wrote it on paper and threw it to each other in class.  The day she introduced me to my partner and the relationship became serious, things turned upside down.  I still can’t understand what happened.  It was so sad to end my friendship with her, but it just happened. 

It Leaves a Scar

Friendship breakups can be worse than real relationship breakups, and dumping a friend has no specific scenario to follow.  It’s not easy to give up a lifetime friend.  It can also be a work colleague you’ve known for a few months or a friend you’ve met in your workout class.  It can cut really deep, hurt you and leave you in pain.  It’s really disappointing, it might even take you some time to get over it.

But how can you tell when it’s time to break up your friendship?

From Your Part:

• You’re not anxious to open their message the minute you receive it

• Hanging out with them is like an obligation for you – you find yourself looking for excuses to ditch them

• You feel annoyed after meeting with them –  they look as if they are mad at you but when you ask if anything is wrong they deny it and change the subject.

• You don’t miss them when it’s been long you haven’t seen them or talked to them

• You don’t like making any effort for them because you feel they don’t deserve it

• You don’t have the same interests anymore –  They want to go dancing when you want to go for a glass of wine, and you end up in some bar with loud music even though you’re not in the mood for that

• Your mood drops and you feel bad about yourself after your hangout together–  you need someone to boost your morale when you can’t find any.

From Their Part:

THEY:

• Only talk about themselves, it’s all about them – for hours you listen and listen… please stop, you’re not the only one alive.  Friendship goes both ways.

• Constantly nag– you feel you’re with a drama queen

• Don’t ask about you and you’re always the first to ask about them – makes you feel silly

• Always misunderstand you – they make you doubt yourself

• Keep acting strangely weird around you – that’s not comforting at all

• Make you feel you’re wasting their time – a friend usually makes you feel important

• Avoid you and don’t make you feel appreciated

• Gossip about you behind your back – it hurts to talk bad about your friends

• Spread your secret and use it against you

• Meet with you only when it’s convenient for them – Wait! I have a life too!

• Judge you – We are human beings, we all make mistakes

• Don’t encourage your goals when you need a push

• Hide the truth from you

• Jealous and competitive – they are not happy for you when good things happen

• Say happy birthday only on social media or with a message

• Put you in awkward situations

• Post embarrassing photos of you

• Don’t ask about you in sickness

• Ignore you for new friends

• Using you – they only call when they need something

• Don’t celebrate your success – we all have a bad day. If your day is ruined, don’t ruin mine!

• Make fun of you in front of others

• Don’t listen to you carefully – are my words invaluable?

• Don’t get in touch after a fight – why hold resentment?

• Get you into trouble – they are a bad influence

• Have a different lifestyle than you – you might have wanted someone crazy and toxic at a certain stage of your life, but now your lifestyle has changed; people change.

• Go out with mutual friends without including you – not even notifying you

• You are the last to know about their news – maybe at that stage, you don’t care anymore

Well, I’m not going to lie to you, it will hurt in the beginning.  But you know, life goes on.  You’ll get used to her absence in your routine, but the memories won’t fade.  The best way to break up with your friend, as I see it, is to retreat.  Just get as far as you can from her, no calls, no hangouts, and it will pass.

But if you’re the honest type of person, you can just be upfront with them, tell them what’s bothering you and how your friendship has changed.

I wonder what will you do if you had to break up with a dear friend?

Would you just let it go like I did with my high school friends or just be honest and confront them?