When is Jealousy “Healthy?”
Are you feeling unimportant to your partner? Do you see yourself insignificant and jealous?
They say jealousy is a disease. But I say jealousy is a natural part of human life. We all feel jealous at some point in our relationship, it’s very common. What’s not usual is either feeling too jealous or having not a bit of it.
I’m the jealous type. I remember in all my relationships how much I suffered when my partner was praised by other “femmes“, or when I caught him staring at beautiful women. I know it’s an innate instinct in men, but I couldn’t get rid of this feeling. It scared me to loose him, so I cried myself to sleep.
When jealousy hits, feelings of anger and misery take over. Although some take it negatively, it can be healthy for the relationship if it’s in the right place, at the right time.
Before I get to the part where jealousy can be healthy to your relationship, I have to say that jealousy is unhealthy when it evolves from mistrust. Besides, when you feel jealous over your partner and threatened by others, think of your low self esteem. It might be one of the reasons why you feel rage inside you in certain moments. Other reasons include unstable emotions, feelings of possessiveness and insecurity, or feeling of being unsatisfactory to your partner.
“Me and you, we can make the whole world jealous”
How and when can jealousy be healthy:
1- If your partner never includes you in his social life and constantly enjoys his time alone more than the time they spend with you.
What are you waiting for? He wants this kind of relationship, fine. You go enjoy your time without him. Give him some taste of his own medicine.
2- If your partner ignores your presence when he’s socializing.
Raise your voice, prove your presence. “Hey, I’m still here”.
3- If your partner gives extra attention to others more than he gives you.
“Hello, are you blind? I’m still here” is the spirit you should have.
4- If your partner’s ex keeps calling them and excessively asks to meet them.
Either answer the phone and “politely” tell her to get lost, or tell him you’re being annoyed from what’s happening under your nose.
5- If your partner appreciates and flirts with others, but when it comes to you, criticizes and depreciates you.
“Hey, stop it! I don’t allow my parents to criticize me that way, why should I allow YOU!
6- If your partner takes others’ advice and totally ignores yours.
Ok fine, he doesn’t want your advice, it’s fine. But when they are out of advices and he comes begging for one, you’re not available.
7- If your birthday and other special occasions between you two are totally forgotten by them, but when it comes to his friend’s birth “day”, they always remember.
Start brainwashing him a week before your birthday, or make a fuss about it so that he won’t forget this event ever.
8- If, when you call your significant other, they feel annoyed and have no time to talk, oh, and say they hate to talk on the phone, but when others call, they spend hours mumbling and laughing.
I have this jealousy over my husband because he has neither time nor the sense to talk on the phone with me. All I did was stop calling him, and when he calls, I’m always busy (unless he messages me about something important).
9- If everyone comes before you. There’s always no time for you, but when it comes to others, he’s free in “no time.”
If it was me, I wouldn’t allow it to happen every time I’m left behind.
10- If your partner surpasses their boundaries when it comes to them. Some people love to feel appreciated and complimented by others. But there are always limits for that. We call this narcissism, and it’s a red flag in a relationship. It’s ok to feel jealous when your partner posts pictures about them all the time and forget you ever existed in their life.
“A guy is only insecure about losing his girl when he knows someone else can treat her better.”
Your partner might not be aware of his behavior, therefore it’s healthy to shake them up. These cases are:
1- If someone is flirting with them in front of you, and they are flirting back. It might not be due to their admiration for the other person, but because of their nature of being nice and polite.
Just get into the conversation and save the day.
2- If your partner is giving flirtatious vibes. That doesn’t mean that they intend to end up in bed with that other person. They are just the flirtatious type, they flirt around with everyone. In order to avoid being misunderstood and keep the temptation away, you can also engage wisely in the conversation without anyone noticing your motive.
My husband is that type and this is usually the way I handle things from my part. It’s hard to manage your feelings, but this way is working for me Try to be as nice as you can to the other party, they will feel ashamed to hurt you.
3- You hear things about your partner that you are not aware of. You feel left behind. You deserve to know about them more than others do. It might be that your partner forgot to mention it in front of you. Take it that way. Tell him frankly about your annoyed feelings.
4- If your partner has no time for you, always working overtime. It’s not wrong to be dedicated to your career, but it’s not good to ignore your relationship. It’s normal to feel jealous from their job.
Try to invite him on a special date, or take him out to lunch during his lunch break. A short visit to the office would be nice.
5- If your partner talks to you about others with interest and excitement.
Wake him up, shake him, tell him he’s overdoing it.
How to deal with jealousy in such situations:
1- Communicate with your partner. Express your anger and concern. Open up about your feelings. Transparency has always been the solution for many situations.
2- Avoid situations where you can be jealous.
3- Think otherwise. Don’t build negative thoughts if your relationship is based on trust, that’s only if your partner is not aware of his actions.
4- Work on building a strong self esteem. It’s not easy to do, I’m totally aware of that, but when you have a target to achieve, you will find a way.
5- Focus on one thing you can: yourself.
6- Emphasize on having a better relationship.
I’m not saying you can’t be jealous. A little jealousy is always healthy between couples; it’s always good to know that someone is afraid to lose you.
Unless your partner had an affair and the trust was broken, you can always work on living a good relationship built on trust… and the good kind of jealousy.
So BE jealous, it’s ok. It’s up to you to tell the difference between a healthy jealousy and a destructive one. Don’t be “too” jealous, be clear.
Words are easier said than done, but you’ve got nothing to loose if you try.